Can't deny it anymore

It's been coming on for about a month but there is no point in denying it any longer...I am once again in the grip of a severe depression. It's been about 2-3 years since I felt like this but I spent almost all of my 20s feeling like this so I know what it feels like.

Dunno when I'll snap out of it. Not planning on seeking help anytime soon; help never helped. It goes away when it's ready to go away.

Getting close to goal...

Looking at my ticker, I am 17.6 lbs away from my goal weight of 150 lbs and about 12-13 lbs outside of the healthy BMI range.

The thing is, I don't think losing 17.6 lbs is going to get rid of the flab around my middle, hips, or thighs. When I get to 150 lbs, I'm sure I will still not be happy with my body. I keep wondering what comes after goal. What next? Was my goal realistic? Is 150 lbs still too much for someone who is 5'6" with a medium frame? Why is it that some people who are my height and weigh about 140 claim to be a size 4-6 while I will probably be an 8? How does that work?

What do I do? I don't know. I guess I should reach goal, have a physical (as I planned), and reassess.

I love my lift class

I'm a little sore this morning from my lift class yesterday evening. The soreness usually takes a couple of days to fully develop and another day or two to disappear, but it's been worth it.

In the last month or so I've been getting the "oh wow, you look so SKINNY" comments and I attribute a lot of the recent inch loss to that lift class. It's really great. The instructor doesn't push us; rather, she encourages us to do one more, one more! (She literally says "one more one more!") But she does not encourage us to hurt ourselves and does also say that we should go at our own pace and she does not expect us to keep up with her in terms of reps, but she does expect us to try.

In that class the sweat pours off me. Literally. The instructor says the point of the class is to work towards "failure," i.e. muscle failure. That means the last rep you do is the last rep you can do. It's kicking my butt, but in a good way!

How come I can't find any bras?

As I continue dropping weight, I continue to need new bras. I'm currently wearing a 36C and it's too large, but the only 34 bras I can find are of the tarty, lacy, underwire type. How come I can't find a plain bra with no underwire ANYWHERE? I say "anywhere" but I've only looked at Wal-Mart and Target; I go through bras quickly so I don't want to spend a lot of money on them.

Why why why? I know adult bras go down to 32 and further. What happened to 34?

I have seen the 160s!

This morning I got to see the 160s for the first time since college! Weighed in at 169.6! I don't consider myself an official member of "Club 160s" yet...I want to weigh in several days in a row in the 160s before I consider myself REALLY there.

I'm still sort of sad about my loose skin but I keep hoping it will eventually tighten up with good nutrition and plenty of exercise. Time will tell.

I have been dreading this.

I had a look at myself in the mirror from all angles (including from the rear) and have seen what I've been dreading: LOOSE SKIN. I'm 20 pounds away from goal and I'm seeing some sagging and a tiny bit of puckering in one spot. It will only get worse as I lose more weight.

Now I'm bummed. REALLY bummed. I was hoping this would not happen.

Body measurements, then and now

Months ago I was strongly urged to take periodic body measurements and I'm so glad I listened to that advice.

My first measurement was on 08/20/2008:

Chest: 41
Waist: 42
Hips: 49

My measurements this morning (03/15/2009) were:

Chest: 32.5
Waist: 29.5
Hips: 37.5

That's 8.5 inches lost off the chest, 11.5 inches lost off the waist, and 11.5 off the hips. Pretty cool huh?