Calorie Count

1396 calories today.

20 minutes on the elliptical at level 5, strength training on arms for 15 minutes.

Burp.

Calorie Count and Romantic Update

I consumed a princely 1386 calories today, only 20% of them from fat. I think my diet has too much carbs and not enough protein though.

The ex-boyfriend is history, history, history. He talked to me today and told me he doesn't want to get married to anyone ever again (yeah right) and definitely does not want more kids (don't believe that either). I am firmly convinced he was seeing someone else but I have no proof and I don't care anymore. It's not my problem. He's not my problem. Fuck him.

Ever since we started having serious problems a few weeks ago, I've been surfing Chemistry and eHarmony. Yep, that's how much faith I had in him. He's a worthless ass. I met a new guy on eHarmony and had coffee with him this weekend. He e-mailed me and we talked on the phone later and he said he thought I was cute (awesome) and sexy (yippee) and very intelligent (YAY), and that he likes all three. Awesome. He has the odd sense of humor that I love in a guy, he loves animals, is sweet, is VERY smart, makes good money, and all around seems to have great potential. We're getting together Saturday night. Schweeeeeet.

Down to 244.8!

That's 11.8 lbs lost since the second week in July. So far nobody in my life has noticed my weight loss. At my size you need to lose more than 12 lbs before somone notices, I guess.

Calorie count

1416 so far today. It's 7pm. I am a little bit hungry, but I don't know what I could have that's low-calorie and satisfying. People keep suggesting vegetables, but they're not really satisfying. What I REALLY want is pizza. Or a taco. Or a quesadilla. Mmmmm.

I lost another pound!

I'm down to 245.6 from a starting weight of 256.6. That's a total loss of 11 pounds since July 5th.

Yay! Each pound is another step towards my goal of a healthier, better me.

Calories consumed today

I was very good today and only ate 1443 calories. About 1/3 of them came from fat. According to the counter on FitDay, I burned about 3200 today. I think that estimate is kind of high, but that's what they said.

Worked out again

I did 10 minutes at 3mph at a 1.0 incline on the treadmill to warm up.

Then I did 40 minutes on the elliptical. For the first 30 minutes I alternated 2 minutes forward at level 5 with 1 minute backward at level 1, then the last ten minutes I did 2 minutes apiece at levels 5-1 to cool down.

Then I came home and ate a Lean Cuisine for lunch. 390 calories. Doing well today!

Augh, gained weight!

Weighed 247.8 when I weighed myself this morning. I keep trying to tell myself it's just PMS; I usually gain 3-5 pounds before and during my period, then it drops off almost overnight.

Still, though. Doesn't do much to encourage me.

I have a coffee date at 2pm today, so I think I'll hit the gym around 11am. That will get me back home at 12 or shortly after and I'll have time to cool down and bathe before going out. I thought I would be sore after yesterday's workout but I'm not, so I'm going to push hard again today.

I worked out today.

10 minutes on the treadmill at 3mph.
32 minutes on the elliptical at level 5; burned over 250 calories on that one.

I feel freaking fantastic!

My blood pressure has improved!

I have a home BP monitor; years ago a doctor put me on beta blockers for my blood pressure but I stopped taking them 8 years ago. I still have the digital BP monitor she encouraged me to buy. It has an 8-reading memory.

Unless I take my BP as soon as I wake up, my diastolic is high but my systolic is high-normal/high. The last 8 readings on there have systolics in the 140-160 range and diastolics in the 100-110 range, with pulse readings between 90-100 bpm. Personally I think it's cheating to take my BP when I haven't even gotten out of bed yet so I try to take it several hours after waking up but not right after activity to get a good idea of what it really is.

So, I took it after relaxing for about 20 minutes while reading a book. My BP was 138/101, pulse 85. That is still too high, but it is an improvement over what it was a month ago. That's progress! I like progress!

My goal is to have systolics in the 120s and diastolics in the 70s, with a resting heart rate in the 60-70bpm range. (70-80 is considered healthy for an adult woman).

I'm on my way!

I went grocery shopping

I am trying to confine my grocery shopping to the "outside" aisles only. You know what I mean...the periphery of the supermarket where fruit, vegetables, meat, dairy, etc. live. I am avoiding the "evil" aisles containing junk food. I do sometimes have to venture into the center of the supermarket to get ketchup, cereal, etc.

This time I bought fresh fruit and vegetables, some lean cube steaks (on sale), frozen turkey burgers (cheaper than fresh), and some Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice frozen dinners. Now that I'm single again, I don't have anyone else to cook for but myself so I'm in complete control over what goes into my shopping cart. My ex-fiance was a big fan of chips, ice cream, popsicles, and sugary cereals. I haven't thrown all of that out yet, but since I don't like the same flavors he likes it's not really an issue. I'll get around to throwing it out.

I was really good at the supermarket. No junk food. No chips. I don't really have a sweet tooth so candy was not a big temptation for me and I seldom ate it anyway. I don't miss not having it in my diet. What I do miss are CHIPS. Tortilla chips and potato chips. Tortilla chips dripping with that four-cheese Mexican blend...god, that's so good. I could murder a plate of that right now. I won't, because it looks better on the shelf than it does on me. But it tastes so good.

If I had a bag of Lay's in my house, I'd probably eat the whole thing. I'm hungry, but I'm being good. This is why the chip aisle is now off-limits to me. I have no willpower when it comes to that. It's easier to just not buy them. Some people can buy a bag and only eat a few at a time, incorporating them as a special treat into an otherwise very healthy diet. Not me. If they're there, they will get eaten. Quickly. The low fat versions are not satisfying because the texture is so off-putting and they have a weird aftertaste. It's the full fat version or nothing, so I opt for nothing.

Lane Bryant Sucks

Any woman who is a size 18 and over has probably darkened the doorway of their local Lane Bryant (plus-sized clothing) shop at one point or another.

Is it just me, or do their clothes really suck? Not only are they overpriced and cheaply made, they seem to embrace the notion that fat is sexy. I don't think it is, and I'm fat myself. I am repulsed by the sight of my own body and I don't like seeing other fat people wearing tight clothing showing off their rolls and bulges. I usually wear clothing that just covers up my bulk and I certainly don't want anything tight to show off MY rolls. I don't want to look at it myself, why would I think other people would want to?

The clothing at Lane Bryant is uber-trendy in the sense that it's uber-trendy if it was one year ago. They also seem to love tanks, cap sleeves, and sleeveless shirts. If you're over 200 pounds like I am, you probably have bulky arms or batwings. Why do you want to show off your flabby batwings? I don't! I'd be mortified if someone saw mine flapping around. Same with those sundresses that they sell.

About all they're good for is jeans. They do make a good pair of jeans. However, they do not stock "regular" sizes. I think their jeans sizes now go 1-5 and come in three cuts: red, blue, and yellow. The salespeople seem to want you to buy a pair that is as tight as possible. I was measured for a 3 but bought a 4 because I couldn't breathe when I sat down in the 3. They kept telling me not to buy the 4 because the jeans stretch during the day (true) and they'd be falling off me by the end of the day (not true). They're the perfect size. I know my own body better than they do so if you go jeans shopping there, don't let the salespeople persuade you to buy something a size smaller than what is comfortable for you. They're just trying to flatter you. They do that a lot. "You're not so big! You have such a cute butt! What do you mean, your boobs are saggy! No they're not!"

Whatever.

So I buy a pair of jeans or something there, then walk through the mall with a bag that says "LANE FUCKING BRYANT" on it and everybody knows I've just been to the fat girl store. I hate that, it's humiliating. I pass by The Gap, Old Navy, The Limited, etc. with achingly cute clothes in the window, knowing that they don't stock my size. Even if they did, their clothes are designed for a much slimmer frame. The large sizes are simply bigger versions of clothes for skinny people. When you're obese, that's just not going to fly. A lot of obese people are not simply larger versions of skinny people. Their proportions are very different and simply increasing the waist or thigh size isn't going to work.

That's where I have to give Lane Bryant credit. Their jeans are fabulous. They did their homework and designed something that really does fit the zaftig frame, and they have the different cuts for the three main obese body types: wide hips/thighs (me), straight up and down with big gut, and J-Lo-style giant butt that's so big you can hardly stand up straight.

So if you're like me and don't like jeans with elastic waistbands like they sell at JC Penney, go to Lane Bryant and try theirs out. Just don't bother with any of the rest of it.

Or you could be like me and diet and exercise your way out of ever having to set foot in that place again. I cringe every time I get near the place. I look at the other customers and think, "Geez, do I look that bad?" I'm not trying to offend anyone, but who really likes being fat? Who likes having to go to special fat stores to buy clothes and pay 10-15% more for every article of clothing? Wouldn't you rather go to Banana Republic or J. Crew? I know I would.

BMI update

Starting BMI: 41.4
Current BMI: 39.8

Under 40! Yippee! My goal is in the 19.1-25.8 range. Still quite a long way to go, but hey...I've made progress.

Weekly summary

Starting weight/size:
Weight: 256.6lbs/116.4 kg
Suit: 20 bottom, 22 top
Shirt: XXL
Pants: 18-20
Jeans: 20
Underwear: 8
Bra: 40D
Shoes: 8

Current weight/size:
Weight: 246.6lbs/111.9 kg
Suit: 20 bottom, 22 top
Shirt: XXL
Pants: 18-20
Jeans: 20
Underwear: 8
Bra: 40D
Shoes: 8

How this blog will work

I am going to try to update this blog every week, probably Thursday-Saturday, to post my progress for the week and anything new I've learned.

I'm going to post my weight here because I think it will keep me honest. I'll post my BP too, and as my clothing size drops I'll post that.

I might also keep a food diary; I used to be pretty busy when I had a fiance but now that he's out of the picture, I might have more free time to A.) keep one and B.) blog about it. I probably should anyway; I hear it helps with the weight loss.

I'm also thinking about taking Alli to keep me from being tempted by fatty foods because I hear the side effects are very unpleasant.

Basically I'm not sure right now what form this blog will take, but I will definitely be posting my weight and BP on a weekly basis to keep me honest. I may even take some photos of myself with my face blocked out so everyone can see how my body is changing. I wouldn't want anyone to see me in my underwear right now, but if someone reading this thinks it will help to motivate them then I'll do it.

My goals and how I will achieve them

I'm a member at 24 Hour Fitness which is a chain of gyms in several states in the US. I'm not going to say which state or metro area I'm in in order to protect my privacy and that of my friends, family, and workout partner.

There is a 24 Hour Fitness near my office and another one very close to where I live, so there is no excuse not to go. They're not far away from home or work; in fact, the one near my house is even within reasonable walking distance so I can't even use the excuse that gas is too expensive. It's two bus stops or a 10-15 minute walk away.

My goal weight is 150 lbs, which would be a loss of 106.6 lbs from my weight on July 5th. My conservative time frame for this is one year, but I'd like to get there faster. They say you shouldn't lose more than so many pounds per week because if you lose too quickly it's hard to maintain. I say BS to that. As long as I'm serious about the changes in my lifestyle I don't see why I wouldn't maintain the weight loss. Easier said than done, but 2 years ago I weighed around 280 and I've kept that weight off. So...there you go. I'd love to be a slim, slinky size 2 with long legs and little spaghetti arms. That will never happen; even at my lowest weight (around 100 lbs at age 17) I still had muscular thighs, curvy hips, and meaty upper arms. I'll never look like a supermodel. So...I'm realistic about what the end result might be. I think that will help.

When I go to the gym, I go with a workout partner from my office. We are both very motivated to lose our excess weight and to get fit and healthy. We have different reasons for wanting to do it, but we help motivate each other all the same. It helps to have someone to go to the gym with. Often one of us will be tired and might skip the gym if not for the other spurring them on to go.

When we go to the gym, we first use the elliptical machine for 20 minutes. I try to keep my stride above 110 strides per minute. I go 2 minutes forward and 1 backward. I warm up on resistance level 1, then go up to 3-4 for the rest of the workout. I try to keep my heart rate below 170 which means I have to go slower on the machine than I am physically able to do. I have noticed that I have to work harder to achieve the same heart rate that I achieved when I first started going to the gym, which means the workouts are having a positive effect on my cardiovascular strength. I think this is encouraging; I'm already seeing results.

After the elliptical machine, we hit the weight machines to work on our upper bodies. We alternate arms and chest. My workout partner is male so he works with more weight than I do. I don't want to bulk up, but I'm not sure that'll be an issue right now. We're both trying to build lean muscle to increase our basal metabolisms so we can burn more calories while at rest.

I haven't seen a nutritionist to establish a proper diet but I have been trying to eat healthy anyway. I've been skipping breakfast a lot because when I'm stressed I'm nauseated in the morning. When I can force breakfast down, it's a bowl of Raisin Bran with 2% milk. I should be on 1% or skim, but I'm still using up a carton of 2% milk I bought weeks ago. Cartons of milk last a long time. Whether I'm hungry or not, I have a cup of coffee with 2% milk in the mornings.

For lunch I have a turkey sandwich with light mayonnaise and one slice of Swiss cheese on sugar-free wheat bread, plus lots of raw vegetables and fruit. I don't measure my fruit/veg portions. I try not to snack at all during the day but if I do, I eat an apple, a few almonds, or a 100 calorie packet of dried cranberries. For dinner I try to keep the entire meal under 700 calories if possible; under 500 calories is ideal. I find the Lean Cuisine meals to be unsatisfying and since it's just me in the house now, it's hard to get motivated to cook a proper meal. When I do, I get my protein from turkey or chicken and carbs/everything else from vegetables, a small portion of boiled brown rice, a salad, etc. Basically I try to keep it hearty and filling but light and healthy which isn't easy. Some days I get lazy and cook a can of soup, but I try to get "clear" soups rather than creamy soups. I've been trying lots of different ones. I also try to get the low-sodium varieties because of my blood pressure, and even those are sometimes a little too salty so I add a bit of water to dilute them.

Some vital statistics

To give anyone who reads this an idea of where I am right now, I am 5'6" tall, with a medium frame.

On July 5th, I weighed 256.6 pounds. This morning (July 25th), I weighed 246.6 pounds. I've 10 lbs, or 3.9% of my body weight, in 20 days. That's a respectable loss of 1/2 pound a day.

My blood pressure in June was measured as high as 172/128 (was sent to the hospital for that) and as low as 138/85 (high end of normal). I'd like to get my BP down to 120/70 but with my family's history of hypertension, that is ambitious. My resting heart rate is anywhere from 90bpm when I'm perfectly calm to 120 bpm when I'm anxious.

I have asthma, and I also smoke. Half a lifetime ago, I didn't smoke, wore a size 4-6 and didn't really have a problem with my asthma. My goal is to quit smoking at some point, probably when the stress of the breakup has subsided, and to get my asthma under control. I'm tired of wheezing all the time.

Sizes:
Suit: 20 bottom, 22 top
Shirt: XXL
Pants: 18-20
Jeans: 20
Underwear: 8
Bra: 40D
Shoes: 8

It all starts here

3 weeks ago my fiance moved out, saying he needed some space. Tonight, we broke up.

Over the last 3 weeks I've lost 10 pounds through stress, not eating enough, and taking out my anger and sorrow at the gym.

I'm now motivated by this. I don't think my weight had anything to do with him leaving; he's just an idiot and an a-hole. However, if I want to land a better man, appearances count. That's just a fact of the society we live in. Men don't usually go for fat women. I can understand that; I'm not really attracted to fat people either. The kind of men I'd like to date don't go for fat chicks.

So, I've decided to go for it this time and become a former fattie.